


Goddamn Partners

by TrantHeidelstam



Category: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
Genre: Crying During Sex, Dolorian Imagery, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frot, Happy Sex, Idiots in Love, Light Bondage, M/M, One Shot, POV Second Person, Small Penis, Smut, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:33:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23338459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrantHeidelstam/pseuds/TrantHeidelstam
Summary: Harry confronts Jean about the nature of their relationship prior to Harry's amnesia.ORWhat was originally meant to be some simple pwp turns into Harry crying about his feelings.
Relationships: Harry Du Bois/Jean Vicquemare
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46





	Goddamn Partners

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by [Jen Bird's Jean/Harry art](https://twitter.com/vagrant_muffin/status/1227430729841139713). Thank-you to everyone on Discord for the encouraging words while writing this!

JEAN - “You’d better not be in my office to fucking apologise again, Harry.”

“I’m genuinely sorry about drinking myself to amnesia though, I-”

JEAN - "Really, Harry? I was unaware that you were sorry after the first bloody hundred times you told me. 

PERCEPTION: Jean takes a deep breath, dragging a hand down his face.

JEAN - “Look, I just want to see you do better from now on, which means not apologising with every damn breath you take.”

EMPATHY - Behind his bitter words is an aged tiredness. Every conversation with you is a slow-drip of disappointment, hulling him of any expectations he has for you. 

“I know, but…”

INLAND EMPIRE - But you’ve finally figured out why Jean is so upset with you. Your his goddamn  _ partner _ , Harry - and not  _ heterosexual  _ life partners. 

ENCYCLOPEDIA - You recall long nights at his house, waking up in his bed…

PERCEPTION - The rough of his stubble against your skin as he kissed you, how sweet he tasted even with coffee breath…

VOLITION - How much easier it was to get up in the morning knowing you’d get to spend your day with him...

DRAMA - Does Jean still want to spend his days with you though? He’s neglected to tell us the nature of our past relationship, sire.

CONCEPTUALISATION - No, you neglected to pick up on the hints: Jean literally told you he was your partner. The blank in your eyes when you failed to recognise Jean, even after he told you he was your partner, drained the colour from his world, left him blind as to what path to take. Dating you had been a kaleidoscope of chaos, your alcoholism and eccentric personality marring even the most mundane tasks with lurid tones, but this pale is infinitely worse.

SUGGESTION - You have  _ a lot  _ to make up for - but that’s why you’re here.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry for forgetting you - for forgetting  _ us _ \- and… and I’ll do  _ anything  _ to make it up to you.”

REACTION SPEED - Hope flickers across Jean’s eyes, quickly extinguished before it can burn him. Jean will carve out his lungs before he risks besmirching your fragile mental state; this washed-out world is better than one where you drink yourself until you’re completely erased.

JEAN - “...anything?”

SAVOIR FAIRE - You step towards Jean, cautiously raising your hand as you would with a skittish animal, placing it around the back of his neck. 

“Let me show you how sorry I am, Jean.”

SAVOIR FAIRE - You guide him into a kiss where your lips barely brush against his, your fingers tracing his neck. There’s a building static beneath the canvas, your boldness outcasting any lingering shadows of doubt.

COMPOSURE - Your other hand draws Jean’s waist against yours, and that’s the final stroke: suddenly Jean is animated, painting your lips a deep shade of purple in a bruising kiss. Every inch of Jean’s body is being engraved against yours, each touch evoking a familiar radiance. A leg is already pressed up between your thighs, dangerously close to exposing what’s going on in your pants. 

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Your equipment isn't meant to be used like this, with other men.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Who cares, this party’s too hot to stop! Jean’s already undoing your tie, and-

ENDURANCE - You’re stumbling back, caught off-guard when Jean pushes you onto the sofa behind you.

HALF-LIGHT - A minute ago Jean may have been hesitating, but now he's made up his mind he's set on devouring you. Your pulse throbs under Jean’s predatory gaze.

JEAN - “Time to see how sorry you really are, Harry.”

SHIVERS - Outside officers spill out of the repurposed silk mill, rushing to avoid the storm looming on the horizon. A torrent of gloom dressed in grey threatens downpour at any moment; few dare leave the comfort of their homes, lest the squall soaks them to squalor. A lone drunk lain in the gutters remains outside, unafraid of the overcast; instead he admires the few rays of sunlight brave enough to peek through the cracks in the sky's sombre mosaic. 

SHIVERS - Much like the storm outside, Jean looms over you, with your tie in hand. His imposing figure instills a sense of dread within you, screaming that you’re utterly fucked.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - In the best possible way! 

PERCEPTION - Jean straddles your uninjured leg, starting to wrap the tie around your readily helpless wrists. Then he pauses for a second, speaking up again, more cautious this time.

JEAN - “...as long as you want to. If you want to stop you can just say so - you better fucking say so, I don’t want to be a vehicle for your self-flagellation.”

DRAMA - If Jean discovered he’d done anything to cause you genuine distress, he would do far worse than flagellate himself, sire.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Baby, this isn’t one of your “I’ve been a terrible person” things, this is a “I’ve been a naughty boy” thing; the tie tightening around your wrists is making your pants tighten too. You can barely remember your sexual preferences, but the way Jean's taking charge is making your lower half feel very disco.

SUGGESTION - You should make your enthusiasm known to Jean, lest he abandon this venture in doubt.

“Don’t worry, this is hella tight, dude.”

RHETORIC - Yes, there’s nothing more reassuring than colloquialisms you’re too old for,  _ dude _ .

REACTION SPEED - Jean makes a show of huffing as he finishes knotting the tie, but you swear the tips of his lips quirk. Do you think Jean would’ve ever agreed to date you if he wasn’t at least somewhat amused by the ridiculous things you say?

SUGGESTION - I think your unique mannerisms are actually rather suave.

AUTHORITY - You tell yourself that while Jean has you wrapped around his finger, wrapped up in your own tie.  _ He’s  _ the one being seduced here, as you spread your legs in a desperate attempt to get closer to his retreating knee.

HAND-EYE COORDINATION - You reach forward to pull Jean closer to you, only for a sting in your wrists to remind you that your hands are tied. When Jean gives you a shit-eating grin you’re powerless to do anything but whimper.

JEAN - “Did you think I was going to let you get off that easily, Harry? We have so many of your crimes to work through...”

COMPOSURE - Jean nuzzles against your neck, and  _ inhales _ ; you thank your past self for putting on that fancy cologne you found lying around your apartment.

JEAN - “For example, the fact you continued to wear the cologne I bought for you, even when you couldn’t remember me? Truly criminal, Harry.”

PERCEPTION - You  _ really _ thank your past self when Jean bites down, a pained hiss escaping your lips as claws of bliss claim your neck as his. The thought of being marked both by the cologne and lovebites sends a ripple from the tip of your spine down to a lower tip.

"Mmm'sorry I forgot. And I’m sorry I ever doubted my nose, it clearly knows what I want better than my head does. Although, I'd prefer to smell like you - I know you don't wear this cologne, yours is muskier and-"

HALF LIGHT - You're silenced by a growl that sets your hair on edge, sets you on the edge of total submission.

JEAN - "See this thing you always do? Where you say the first idiotic thought that pops into your head, but still manage to be charming? It's bullshit, Harry, a crime against nature."

SUGGESTION - I told you that-

COMPOSURE - The warmth of Jean’s tongue curling around the shell of your ear short-circuits your stream of thoughts; your head jolts from the sensitivity, but Jean is gripping your hair, holding you in place so that there’s no escape from the silken torture. There’s a fleeting moment of respite when his lips leave your skin, only for your torment to be resumed when Jean murmurs in your ear. 

JEAN - “You have me hooked on your every damn word, shit-cutie.”

ENCYCLOPEDIA - ‘Shit-cutie’ is what Jean ends up calling you whenever he catches himself about to call you ‘shitkid’ but wants to be more romantic.

EMPATHY - Jean struggles with expressing affection, but he makes an effort to verbalise his affections for you.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - And when words fail, he’s certainly not shy about communicating through skin-to-skin contact.

JEAN - “I don’t ever want to wake up to a world where I don’t get to hear your dumb voice, so don’t you dare think about pulling that shit again.”

EMPATHY - After your recent flirting with the pale, Jean’s been terrified that his displays of devotion aren’t enough; terrified that he's failed to communicate to you how much he cares; terrified that you might make another attempt any day now.

INTERFACING - You want to reach out to hold Jean, to reassure him, but your hands are bound. Not only that, but your head is held in place too.

DRAMA - You suspect he planned this. Jean’s uneasy about accepting support, convinced he’s unworthy of it, so he put you in this compromising position as part of a dastardly scheme to limit your ability to comfort him during this confession.

SUGGESTION - You may have been robbed of your movement, but you still have your words - Jean just admitted how much influence your prose has over him.

“I don’t want to be that kind of animal anymore. I don’t want to throw everything away when I’m overwhelmed, because everything includes all the people I care about. Waking up that day felt so lonely, I think- I think I missed you? Even though I didn’t remember who you were? The thought of forgetting you again, and everything you do for me… I don’t…”

PERCEPTION - Why can you feel rain?

LOGIC - Because you’re producing the rain, a phenomenon also known as crying.

VOLITION - The flow of tears only seems to encourage the outpouring of words.

“I-I’m sorry I’ve been a stupid idiot. I promise I won’t try to drown myself again, not in the ocean or alcohol, so please don’t leave me Jean, not like-”

REACTION SPEED - You’re interrupted by Jean’s lips against yours, a grace gentler than fresh snow lain on grass.

INLAND EMPIRE - The way Jean’s hand cards through your hair feels so familiar he must’ve done this a hundred times before - he never gets tired of it though, never gets tired of you.

JEAN - “Harry, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, see? Don’t apologise again - it’s not like I haven’t fucked things up too. I…"

EMPATHY - Jean looks away from you. It's taking a Herculean effort for him to talk about his feelings, but you’re worth that effort to him.

JEAN - “I’m as scared as you are. I know I shouldn’t let my fear manifest as anger, like some kind of emotionally stunted child. I’ve been trying not to be as snappy, but... I’m as broken as you, I’m slow to change. I promise I’m not going anywhere though - I’m your goddamn partner.”

DRAMA - Every word he speaks is true, sire. You’ve both done things to hurt each other, fallout from your respective emotional struggles, but you also give each other the will to keep going.

CONCEPTUALISATION - For a minute you simply sit together, his forehead resting against yours - even after you part his touch will linger, your own Crown of Immortality fashioned from flesh. The breaths you exchange with one another are dull, but they are vows heard clearly against the silence of the room. In the pale distance between you is a warm glow - not a golden or holy glow, but the glow of an infernal engine that refuses to stop trying. 

ENDURANCE - While you would be willing to bask in his presence for eternity, you are bound by your mortal coil; it's late, and you would like to get home eventually so you can sleep.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Forget sleep, there's another need that hasn't been satisfied yet!

“So, uh… do you still want to… y'know...”

HAND-EYE COORDINATION - It's a blessing that your hands are bound, because otherwise you would be making an obscene hand gesture. As it stands, you just flail about your hands.

JEAN - “...Yes, I still want to fuck you, Harry. It’s been weeks since I got any because of your damn amnesia.”

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Are you sure that-

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - FUCK YEAH! A few sniffles aren’t enough to kill your boner - sometimes crying even makes sex better. Cathartic sex, here we come!

“Good because I want to have fuck- I mean- sex. Yes."

PAIN THRESHOLD - Your verbal vomit is almost as painful as the sting in your wrists, a result of your recent hand flailing causing the tie into bite you. I'm all too aware of your masochism, but  _ please _ get Jean to remove these binds.

EMPATHY - If you get them removed then you’ll finally be able to touch Jean, truly connect with your lover.

HARRY "Do you think you could untie my hands? Not that I’m not into the bondage, I think I’m discovering - or rediscovering? - that’s a kink of mine, but I miss touching you, I want to be able to touch you.”

REACTION SPEED - Once again you catch Jean blushing, like the sappy git he denies being.

INTERFACING - A few swift flicks from Jean, and the tie falls from your wrists; the moment your hands are free they’re instantly locked up again, gripping against Jean’s back.

CONCEPTUALISATION - Your clingy behaviour is rewarded with a scarce treasure: Jean chuckling. You're not sure whether it's the rumbling of his gravelly voice, the vibrations of his chest against yours, or his unabashed smile, but Jean's laughter feels like the first caress of sunlight after a storm has passed. 

JEAN - “I told you I’m not going anywhere, you don’t have to stick to me like some kind of barnacle.”

DRAMA - You don’t have to, but he wants you to; Jean appreciates the reminder that you still desire him.

ENCYCLOPEDIA - Did you know that barnacles are the species with the longest average penile length proportional to-

VOLITION - That's certainly a fascinating fact, but not one appropriate for the moment. You shift your attention back to Jean, who's lavishing you with kisses.

CONCEPTUALISATION - Amongst the haze of lazy kisses your grip loosens. Instead your hands skim along Jean’s body, sketching him in your memory. You don’t fret about the details you cannot easily reach; you’ve drawn him like this countless times already, and trust you will have the opportunity to do so countless times again. Jean’s own hands occupy themselves unbuttoning your shirt, slowly unveiling the shock of hair that decorates your torso. As he works his way down, Jean stipples kisses across your chest, inking his devotion into your body. Eventually your shirt falls free, and Jean takes the opportunity to curl his hands up in the full tapestry of your hair, claiming it as his. The contented sigh Jean makes is a psalm to the peace he is finally able to experience when he’s with you.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Jean’s hands are falling lower, ready to make artwork with a special kind of paint.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - You cannot allow him to continue!

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - We’re in the process of  _ making art, _ there's no way we're stopping.

INTERFACING - You retrieve a bottle of lube from your trouser pockets; the quirk of Jean’s lips suggests he’s impressed you came prepared.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - There's still time to stop this.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Why would you when you're on the verge of creating a masterpiece?

SAVOIR FAIRE - Your trousers are currently in the process of being removed, albeit with surprising grace; Jean’s taking care to go slowly, far more slowly than is intuitive for him, as to not to agitate your wound. 

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - You cannot let Jean see your junk under any circumstances!

INTERFACING - Too late: your pants slip to the floor, unveiling your erection.

LOGIC - What's the problem? Your genitals appear to be fully operational, as do Jean's.

VISUAL CALCULUS - The only aspect of note is that your cock is about half the size of Jean's.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Your glorious image of masculinity has been shattered!

VOLITION - Is that seriously what this is about? The length of your cock is  _ not _ a measure of your masculinity - it would be absurd for Jean to think you less of a man because you're a couple of inches shorter than most.

INLAND EMPIRE - An echo of cruel laughter rings through your mind; regardless of whether it's logical, it wouldn't be the first time a lover was disappointed by your size.

EMPATHY - Jean's different though he wouldn't mock you… Not about this, anyway.

HALF LIGHT - Yet shame continues to coil through you, a medusa to your muscles.

EMPATHY - Suddenly you feel stress begin to be soothed away: Jean's rubbing circles on your back, aware of your distress.

JEAN - "Harry, there's no pressure to continue if you’re not feeling up to this."

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - NO! You’re up - who cares how short it is, it is  _ up _ .

CONCEPTUALISATION - Look at the heroic sculpture of muscles sitting in your lap: he is an Elysian reincarnate willing to surrender his place on the Isles of the Blessed to commit sins of lust with you.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - As if your own physical failings weren’t enough, let’s also remember that your partner is the pinnacle of masculinity. 

"No! I want to continue, I just uh… I feel a bit self-conscious.”

EMPATHY - Recognition flickers across Jean’s eyes - you’ve confided in Jean about your insecurity on previous occasions.

JEAN - “You know I'm not any kind of poet, so I'll put this plainly. I find you incredibly bangable. I know you won’t believe me - Dolores Dei knows you never listen to me - but I  _ like  _ what you’ve got going on. That includes your cock Harry, I like your cock.”

DRAMA - My liege, words cannot begin to describe how captivated Jean is by your eccentric charm.

SUGGESTION - And more pertinently, your body. All those times Jean was glaring at you in frustration, he was also eye-fucking you - in fact the frustration was often in part due to not being able to literally fuck you.

JEAN - “But like I said, you’re a bastard who does not listen...”

LOGIC - But you-

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Don’t even suggest denying it; regardless of how true it is, Jean’s currently pouring lube into his hands. Whatever Jean’s planning isn’t something you want to interrupt.

JEAN - “So I’ll give you a practical demonstration to help you get it in your stupid head.”

HAND-EYE COORDINATION - Slickened fingers wrap around your cock, bringing with them a relief that eases any lingering tension in your muscles. It briefly crosses your mind that you should be doing something with your own hands, but the drag of Jean’s hand along your cock is an intense anesthetic which numbs any coherent thought you have.

JEAN - “I see you’re making me do all the work as usual, like some kind of pillow prince. Lucky for you I prefer this; watching you become ruined as I service your pretty cock is revenge for all the shit you make me put up with.”

DRAMA - Jean’s stretching the definition of the word ‘revenge’ further than the distance between isolas - his enjoyment is far more wholesome than he cares to admit.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Yes, there’s nothing quite as  _ wholesome  _ as the way Jean’s pressing your cocks together, or the pure bliss conducted from where his cock brushes against yours.

PERCEPTION - Your bodies are connected at every point possible, from the powerful thighs that straddle you to the nestling of your balls against his.

EMPATHY - It’s not like this is a purely physical connection though - there’s a sense of psychological closeness, as if your minds are touching.

JEAN - “You look incredible when you’re being fucked like this, Harry. Gorgeous. Your cock is so precious flushed against mine.”

PERCEPTION - Jean looks gorgeous like this too. The sight of his muscles flexing with every movement he makes, the flush spreading across his chest, and his usually intense expression slackening into a blithe mess - it's picturesque.

SUGGESTION - The utterances of praise interspersed with needy grunts completes the erotic experience. What could’ve possibly driven you to erase your memories of  _ this _ ?

INLAND EMPIRE - Aerodromes worth of emotional baggage.

JEAN - “Fuck Harry. Missed doing this, being with you… everything's better with you."

CONCEPTUALISATION - For neither the first nor last time, you stumbled; no matter how far you come, there will always be some hurdles that trip you. Jean will continue to hold your hand through it all though, because the journey is still brighter with you - and you will do the same for him. You're stubborn bastards, but you're a pair of stubborn bastards.

LOGIC - You're a stubborn bastard who has just started crying again in the middle of sex.

EMPATHY - The crying isn't detracting from the sex though. It’s an outpouring of relief that you're still wanted, of gratitude that you have a partner who you can trust with your most vulnerable self; you're crying  _ because _ you're enjoying the sex.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - I told you crying can make sex better!

SUGGESTION - You should probably let Jean know that you're crying from happiness so that he doesn't stop.

"M'not crying…okay, I am, but s'good cry… just have lots'f feelings… s'your fault, I've soft feelings about you…" 

HAND-EYE COORDINATION - You presume Jean's understood, since he's continuing to stroke you - no, not just continuing, there's a mounting pressure of both internal and external forces. The pace remains languid but his grip is unyielding, an intoxicating combination that brings an exponentially growing need. You're on the verge of begging when Jean's thumb slips over your tip just so...

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - A wildfire spreads through your brain, region after region setting alight. The inferno spreads to your pituitary gland, which pumps out oxytocin like a firehose in response.

CONCEPTUALISATION - What that actually feels like is a blasphemous rhapsody; it isn't gold that pours from your mouth, but debauched cries of ecstasy. Your release is that of a broken man, still haunted by many ghosts...

INLAND EMPIRE - Guilt for the hurt you've caused.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Insecurities ingrained by society

HALF-LIGHT - The dread of knowing the world is gradually disintegrating.

CONCEPTUALISATION - …But they fade into background radiation, as your focus is consumed by him.

INLAND EMPIRE - At the same time Jean finds his own release. In that moment there are no boundaries between your consciousnesses, you’re united in shared euphoria.

PERCEPTION - Then the heat fades, replaced by the cool of Jean's panting breath against your neck.

INTERFACING - You shift a hand to cover Jean's, not wanting to break the moment.

COMPOSURE - Fuck the moment, you're sat soaked in sweat, tears, and cum. If you don’t want to be a filthy animal anymore, you should clean yourself up.

VOLITION - You don’t have much choice about what you do until Jean gets off - you don't have the heart ask him to move when he looks so contented resting against you.

SUGGESTION - If you're going to continue sitting in your filth, you could at least make conversation.

"I'm sorry if the crying was weird."

JEAN - "How many goddamn times do I have to tell you to stop apologising? It isn't a problem, I’m used to you crying during sex."

ENCYCLOPEDIA - He is?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Of course he is - how did you think I knew that you'd enjoy the crying?

ENCYCLOPEDIA - How often do you-

DRAMA - It’s better if you don’t know the exact answer to that, my liege.

"Is that a regular thing I do?”

Jean - “...let’s just say you’re a sentimental idiot, Harry.”

PERCEPTION - Jean pauses, then continues in a pale breath.

Jean - “You're my idiot.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for a month - I'm terrible at focusing and a slow writer - so I hope it's enjoyable! I'll be taking part in the upcoming [Disco Elysium Big Bang](https://docs.google.com/document/d/18uLOumSUhMmSCdFbFK805wRxINqHwiOKaUE4exCg_n0/edit?usp=sharing) and I hope y'all will be too!


End file.
